How to Get Over Gender Disappointment

How to Deal With Gender Disappointment- From a Mom Who Thought She Would Only be a Boy Mom

Finding out you’re pregnant is one of the most exciting experiences. And finding out the gender is just as exciting!

But some people experience something called gender disappointment, and I was one of them.

Years before getting pregnant, I had different visions for what children I would have.

I imagined a boy first, then girl. Then pictured all girls.

But when it got closer to me actually getting pregnant, I reached a point where I loved the idea of having a little boy.

I feel that it’s usually assumed that women want to have girls but I really loved the idea of at least having a boy first.

And my wish came true! Once I had a boy, I couldn’t imagine being a girl mom.

So when I got pregnant the second time, I was feeling certain I would have a boy, only to find out that we were having a girl!

It’s important to know that gender disappointment is normal, whether you feel it strongly or only a little bit.

It is something that can make you feel guilty, because all that should matter at the end of the day is having a healthy baby.

But the problem is that once you fixate and envision things a certain way, you end up disappointed that things didn’t turn out the way you thought.

I’m happy to say I got over my gender disappointment quickly, but I still had a moment where I needed to process.

In this post, I’m going to share my story and tips on how to get over gender disappointment quickly and easily. This way, you can focus on enjoying your pregnancy  and have fun preparing for your little one’s arrival!

How to Get Over Gender Disappointment

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My Story of Gender Disappointment

As I mentioned, I reached a point where I definitely wanted a boy first.

I was over the moon when I found out our first was a boy, because it was exactly what I had envisioned for myself.

I fell so in love with him and it made me want to clone him and have another boy.

When pregnant with my second, I only noticed one subtle difference between the pregnancies early on.

I knew it was still possible that we could have a girl, but I had convinced myself that since both pregnancies were basically playing out the same, that we’d be having another boy.

So you could imagine my absolute shock when I found out we were having a girl!

I called family and friends to share the news. When asked if I was excited, I said yes.

But that night, I had to take some time to myself to really process it and work through my feelings.

I was happy to finally know the gender but couldn’t believe my instinct was wrong.

Where Gender Disappointment Stems From

What causes someone to experience gender disappointment in the first place?

I believe it all comes down to getting fixated on the vision you have for yourself, like I did.

I was so certain that we were having a boy, I felt like I became defensive when people would say things like “I hope it’s a girl” or “I bet you want a girl.” I

n my mind, we had this beautiful boy and when I heard those comments, I thought “well what’s wrong with having a boy? We have one already and he’s wonderful.”

It made it seem like a boy wasn’t good enough to other people.

I also feel I developed this need of wanting to prove people wrong, since so many people wanted us to have a girl.

Lastly, I think making assumptions can feed into gender disappointment. For example, my son was definitely a mama’s boy from the start.

I thought that if I had boys, they would have a soft spot for me and we would have a really strong bond.

But I thought it would be the opposite if we had a girl. There was part of me that feared we wouldn’t get along or that she would be more of a daddy’s girl and not want much to do with me.

How to Get Over Gender Disappointment

How to Overcome Gender Disappointment

So, how does one get over gender disappointment?

In my experience, it came down to shifting my mindset.

The number one thing I reminded myself of was that being pregnant and creating a human life is an absolute blessing.

I put focus on the amazing thing my body was doing and it helped me realize how trivial the gender was in the grand scheme of things.

Next, I think it’s important to stop thinking about what could have been and start thinking about the things you can look forward to with the gender you’re about to have.

For me, I decided to start thinking about the fun stuff such as decorating the nursery. So I hopped on Pinterest, found a nursery theme I liked, and got TONS of inspo for it!

The next fun part was putting together the baby registry. I remembered how much I loved putting together my son’s registry and it was just as fun to make another.

And I will say, it was a little more fun to find items for girls!

Does Gender Disappointment Go Away?

From my experience, I can say that my gender disappointment 100% went away!

It took me a few days to process after we got the news but as the days went by, I started to care less about not having a boy.

When her due date got closer, I worried that some of those feelings would creep up on me again.

But the moment I saw my daughter, I fell in love. The last thing on my mind was the fact that I thought I wanted another boy.

For some, it may take more time to get used to the idea.

But once your beautiful baby enters the world, you’ll realize how trivial having a certain gender is.

Concluding How to Get Over Gender Disappointment

If you’re experiencing gender disappointment, know that you’re not alone. Many people have the same experience and it’s okay if you need some time to process.

Did you ever deal with gender disappointment? What helped you get through it? Share in the comments!

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